Here we go again. Another incident, another reminder that FetLife’s policies and enforcement keep failing the very people they claim to protect. I wish I could say I was surprised, but I am not. What happened is shocking, yes, but it follows a pattern that too many of us have come to expect.
WhatTheFet Happened Now?
JLB received an AMA that told her she should be raped by a white man. When she reported it, FetLife provided the name of the poster but classified the violation only as “fantasy pushing,” not harassment, racism, or a violation of consent.
JLB then posted the sender’s name publicly. JK, who also named him in defense of JLB, was the one placed on a timeout. Meanwhile, the man who sent the racist and violent AMA remained active. Only after significant pushback from members was the violation upgraded to “non-consensual” and the man finally given a short timeout.
To make matters worse, JK pointed out that she had not received the three warnings the community note later claimed she had before her timeout. Her posts show that no such warnings were ever communicated to her, raising serious concerns about whether caretaker records are accurate or transparent.
This incident highlights three key failures:
Survivors and those who defend them are punished for naming abuse, while abusers remain active until enough noise is made.
Enforcement actions are minimized and mislabeled, with serious harm first treated as “fantasy pushing” instead of racism and abuse.
Community notes are used to retroactively justify decisions rather than to create transparency.
JK and JLB’s experiences reflect a broader pattern that many Black women on Fet have raised: when they speak up about racism and abuse, they face discipline while the original harm is minimized or excused. None of this is new, but every time it happens, it underscores exactly why #WhatTheFet exists. Shocked, but not surprised.
Correspondence with FetLife
The conversations with John and the FetLife team are ongoing. I recently sent back a detailed response outlining five priority areas where FetLife’s policies and enforcement are directly harming members. These areas include vague rules, inconsistent moderation, lack of accountability, unsafe reporting tools, and a broken appeals process.
The letter also pointed out how current policies actively silence survivors, minimize serious violations, and prevent accountability. These points were grounded in lived experiences collected through #WhatTheFet submissions and reinforced by research.
For those who want to read the full correspondence, I have shared the complete letter and responses for Capt Chaos paid subscribers here: Capt. Chaos Substack.
Community Coincidence or WhatTheFet Happened?
There have been a number of changes on the platform since the first deactivation. While we cannot definitively take credit for these developments, the timing is suspiciously aligned with the protest.
A Community Guidelines Coordinator role appeared on the same day as the initial deactivation.
A new Community Notes feature quietly rolled out, but without clarity on when it was added or how it will actually be used. (But from the looks of it on JK’s statuses, they are using it to cover their asses and speak to community members who question their methods and decisions.) On one status, I’ve watched the notes change at least 3 times. Very interesting, indeed.
One of my own comments was recently removed even though it fell under FetLife’s allowance for cultural language and AAVE. I sent an email with screenshots, citing FetLife’s own policy. Within 30 minutes, Deb replied: “I reviewed your case, and that was a mistake. I am very sorry about that. I provided feedback to the Caretaker on the case and reversed it.” This was only the second time I have emailed FetLife outside of protest correspondence, and the first time I have ever received a reply. Whether coincidence or not, the swift reversal shows both how inconsistent moderation is and how quickly FetLife can act when pressed.
What We Need From the Community
Keep sharing your stories through the submission form that can be accessed here. These lived experiences are our proof.
Spread the hashtag #WhatTheFet and keep the conversation visible.
Be ready to join the next protest when we announce the date. This time, we are planning for a 72-hour deactivation to amplify the pressure.
The protest is not over. It is gaining momentum. Together, we are holding FetLife accountable to the community it claims to serve.
#WhatTheFet
Capt. Chaos
Forgive my ignorance here, but are people from the protest back on fetlife? As in reactivated?
Edit: oh! It was only 24 hours, at first. I missed that in the initial post.