What the Fet Is Going On?

When Silence Is the Only Safety Feature

I’m currently in timeout on FetLife.
Not for violating someone’s consent.
Not for harassment.
But for screenshotting a DM where a man told me:
“You look like you need a young white dick.”

This, despite my bio clearly stating I’m not interested in white men or white women, and that I have firm lower and upper age boundaries.

FetLife didn’t ask why I shared that message.
They didn’t remove him for harassment.
They punished me for having the audacity to defend my boundaries.

And I’m not the only one.

---

What Happened to JoJo Kinks and So Many Others

Another Black woman, JoJo Kinks, was recently placed in timeout after posting “Fuck ICE” on her public status. That post triggered a wave of harassment, racist threats, and personal attacks. And when she defended herself? She was the one silenced. No accountability for her harassers. No protection. Just another timeout without explanation.

She’s not alone.
Femmes, thems, and Black kinksters are regularly:

• Harassed for existing

• Punished for defending themselves

• Targeted under vague rules

• Excluded from the systems meant to protect them

This isn’t about one timeout.
This is about a pattern of harm, bias, and silence.

---

The Pattern Is the Problem

FetLife is supposed to be a space of freedom, expression, and safety.
But for many of us, it feels like an echo of the vanilla world that polices us, only with more rope and fewer rights.

We spend our time on the platform:

• Filtering through misogyny, racism, and transmisogyny

• Being told “don’t yuck someone’s yum” while others try to make us yum their yuck

• Getting punished for saying no, setting limits, and calling out harm

But no means no—even in a dungeon.
Even in a DM.
Even here.

We are not objects.
We are not targets.
We are not disposable.

---

Why We're Deactivating on August 26

We are organizing under the banner #WhatTheFet because we believe this space can be better.

This isn’t a rage quit.
This is a refusal to be complicit.

On August 26, we are logging out.
Deactivating.
Refusing to post, perform, or participate in a space that refuses to protect us.

This FIRST protest will last 24 hours.
If no response is issued by FetLife leadership, we’ll escalate—with longer deactivations, broader outreach, and deeper demands.

We are not leaving because we don’t care.
We are deactivating because we do.

---

Our Demands: What Needs to Change

We call on FetLife leadership, John Baku, and the caretaker team to:

1. Diversify the Caretakers

• The moderation team must reflect the user base, including Black kinksters, femmes, trans & nonbinary people, and others most impacted by harm.

2. Create a Transparent, Peer-Inclusive Appeals Process

• Outline a formal system with:

  • Specific reason codes

  • A clear timeline

  • Optional escalation to a peer panel representing diverse experiences

3. Standardize Violations & Consequences

• Create a visible structure for all moderation actions, with a defined 3-strike system for minor infractions, and zero tolerance for harassment or consent violations.

4. Enhance Safety Features

• Block all accounts created by the same harasser (like Instagram)

• Enable permanent user restrictions

• Expand DM controls and view access limits

5. Support Ethical Reporting & Community Accountability

• Allow users to report predators, abusers, and repeat consent violators without fear of punishment

• Create a survivor-centered documentation and follow-up process

6. Update the Platform Policies

• Rewrite the rules to be clear, specific, and consistently enforced

7. Co-Create Community

• This space exists because we show up

• Community is not a monarchy; it’s a collaboration

• The people deserve a voice in the rules that govern them

---

How to Take Action

• Deactivate your FetLife account on August 26

• Post our solidarity image on your page or socials ( click underlined words for access to the image).

• Share your story anonymously by completing this form.

• Use these hashtags:

  • #WhatTheFet

  • #CaretakerCallout

  • #FetCareFail

  • #UncensorBlackKink

• Join our Telegram for updates, support, and planning

---

We built this space. We deserve protection.
We deserve justice. We are done asking nicely.

---

🚨 Want to help?

Comment. Repost. Translate. Share. Create.
This is a co-created protest. Everyone who’s ever been punished for protecting themselves has a place here.

Capt. Chaos