Things to Consider Before You Deactivate Your FetLife Account

Especially for those participating in the August 26 protest

So you’re thinking about deactivating your FetLife account. Maybe it’s to join the protest. Maybe it’s personal. Maybe it’s both.

Either way, FetLife does not give a clear picture of what actually happens when you deactivate.

This is not fear. This is informed consent.

You should know what disappears, what stays, and what quietly follows you even after you log out.

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What You Lose When You Deactivate

According to FetLife’s own documentation

FetLife says that when you deactivate your account, the following are permanently removed. Whether or not that is completely true in every case is still unclear. If you have deactivated before and had a different experience, let us know.

• Your tags. Every kink, role, dynamic, and activity you listed is erased from your profile. FetLife does not retain them and there is no automatic way to restore them.
  Tip: Before you deactivate, screenshot or copy your full tag list. You can use this later to rebuild your profile manually.

• Your group memberships. You are removed from all groups when you deactivate. FetLife says this is not reversible.
  Tip: Make a list of the group names you want to return to or copy the URLs into a document you can access later.

• Your profile visibility. Your page disappears from search. People cannot view your writings, photos, friend list, or bio.
  This part is fully reversible when you reactivate.

• Hyperlinked user tags. If someone tagged you using FetLife’s autocomplete function, those links will break when you deactivate.
  If someone simply typed your name in a caption or post, it may still be searchable. More on that below.

• Activity tracking. You fall off the radar. Your posts and comments are removed from notification feeds and threads while your account is deactivated.

Again, this is what FetLife claims happens. If anyone has reactivated and found that tags or group memberships did return, that would be useful to know. We are working with what they say, not necessarily what always plays out.

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What Stays That You Might Not Expect

• Your messages. They are hidden but not deleted. They return when you reactivate.

• Your writings and photos. Also hidden during deactivation, but fully restored if you come back.

• Plain text mentions of your username. If someone typed your name in a post or caption without officially tagging you, that content may still be searchable. FetLife’s search system can still pull it up.

• Mentions in other users’ content. Even if you are blocked or deactivated, old mentions of your username may still show up for others.

• Your comments on others’ content. They vanish while your account is deactivated but reappear when you return.

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What Does Not Happen Automatically

• Your tags are not saved for later.

• Your group memberships do not return.

• FetLife does not warn you about what will disappear.

• You cannot re-upload your downloaded data to restore your account.

• You will not be notified if people continue mentioning or tagging you after you go dark.

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What You Can Do Before You Deactivate

1. Download your data
   You can request a download of your messages, friends list, tag list, and group names. It is for personal reference only. It cannot be reuploaded to restore your account.

2. Screenshot your tags and profile text
   This will save you time and energy later if you choose to come back and rebuild your profile.

3. Copy your group list and usernames you want to stay connected to
   There is no way to bookmark these within FetLife once you deactivate.

4. Delete any comments you do not want reappearing
   Your comments will return if you do. If there is anything you want permanently gone, delete it before deactivating.

5. Know that your digital footprint may still be searchable
   Just because you cannot see it does not mean others cannot. Mentions linger. Tags linger. FetLife’s indexing system does not wipe everything clean.

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Things That Remain Unclear

FetLife’s documentation gives the impression that deactivation is final and clean, but real user experiences suggest something more complicated. These are areas where the platform’s behavior does not match its stated policies, or where clarity has never been provided.

• Group ownership. If you deactivate while owning a group, FetLife claims your account is removed from access. But some groups still show the original owner’s name, even when that account is deactivated. It is unclear whether ownership is ever fully stripped or how access is handled if the account is later reactivated.

• Mentions in captions, posts, and bios. Even when users are deactivated or blocked, plain-text mentions of their usernames can still appear in search results. This suggests FetLife indexes and surfaces names in ways that remain searchable long after accounts are offline.

• Hyperlinked tags or user mentions. Some tagged usernames in photos, writings, or captions appear to remain clickable after deactivation. It is unclear whether this is a glitch, a caching issue, or intentional indexing.

• Visibility of past activity. While comments disappear during deactivation, there is no clear answer on what happens to likes, follows, or views. FetLife does not explain whether this data is erased, archived, or still visible to moderators.

• Blocking plus deactivation. The platform does not clarify how visibility works when a user is both blocked and deactivated. In some cases, traces of the account still appear to users who are not directly connected.

This lack of clarity is part of the problem. If users cannot confidently predict what stays and what goes, there is no real consent. Transparency matters, especially in a space built on trust, personal expression, and safety.

If you have deactivated your account in the past and experienced something different from what FetLife says, share what you know. We are not just leaving. We are moving with intention. And we are documenting everything.

Capt. Chaos