FetLife wants the benefits of being a platform without the responsibility. It calls itself a “community” so it doesn’t have to act like one.
But harm doesn't disappear because it happened in private. It doesn't lose weight just because the person harmed doesn’t have a blue check or a big following. Harm stacks. Quietly. Collectively. Until something breaks.
We're building the record. Not for pity. For power.
This is a call for input. A call for memory. A call for receipts.
We are asking you to help document the policy gaps you’ve run into, especially when those gaps made you feel unsafe, unheard, or punished for speaking up.
What we’re collecting:
Specific policy failures or contradictions
What happened when you tried to report something
How moderators or caretakers responded or didn’t
Situations where enforcement felt biased, inconsistent, or retaliatory
Times when the “guidelines” were too vague to protect you at all
We care about patterns. We care about how race, gender, neurotype, kink dynamics, and reporting mechanisms overlap to create real harm.
We care about what happened in public and what got buried in the DMs.
Why This Isn’t Just About You
Because you’re not the only one it happened to.
Because someone else will walk into that same group or thread or scene and have no idea what was allowed before they got there.
Because when people say "just report it" but the report goes nowhere, the silence gets louder.
Because vague policies and inconsistent enforcement aren’t accidents. They are design choices.
How to Contribute
We built a short intake form: Access Here
Use your name or don’t. Nothing will be shared without your permission. If you have something deeper or more complex to share, reply to this post or email us directly at mywhatthefetstory@gmail.com
We’re not promising a quick fix. But we are not pretending this is just about drama. This is documentation. This is a record. This is infrastructure.
What We’re Building
This is not just about calling something out. It is about calling it in. Into the light. Into accountability. Into the kind of pressure that platforms cannot ignore forever.
FetLife didn’t suddenly get worse. Some of you just got loud enough to be heard.
The rest of us have been screaming into silence for years. We are done whispering.
If you have something to say, say it. We’re listening.
With fire and precision,
Capt Chaos