Monogamous & Monogamish: What You Might Be Missing
Understanding Monogamy in a Non-Monogamous World
Monogamy isn’t obsolete, but the way we talk about it needs an upgrade.
In a world where “ENM,” “polyam,” and “open” show up in every other dating profile, it can feel like monogamy is the forgotten sibling at the relationship table. The one who follows the rules but still gets blamed for the system breaking down. But what if the issue isn’t monogamy itself, but the assumptions, silence, and control tactics we’ve wrapped around it?
This series isn’t here to shame anyone for wanting one partner, exclusivity, or lifelong commitment. It’s here to ask harder questions. To peel back the layers of default settings and explore what monogamy means and doesn’t mean in a world that’s far less black and white than it used to be.
We’ll unpack the difference between being monogamous and being monogamish, those “sort of open” relationships that live in the gray area, often without the clarity or communication to keep things healthy.
We’ll explore how control can masquerade as boundary-setting, how rules become stand-ins for real conversations, how emotional gatekeeping often replaces emotional safety and what happens when monogamous folks try to date in communities or cultures that center non-monogamy, sometimes unknowingly, often painfully.
You’ll also get language and clarity around structures, responsibilities, and red flags, whether you’re monogamous, monogamish, or somewhere in between.
This isn’t about picking sides. It’s about expanding the conversation and offering you a space to feel seen, challenged, and equipped.
Terms You’ll See Throughout This Series
If you’re newer to these conversations or just want a clearer understanding of how we’re using key terms, here’s a quick glossary for reference:
Monogamous: A relationship structure based on exclusivity, emotionally, sexually, or both, between two people.
Monogamish: A relationship that is mostly monogamous but allows for some level of sexual or emotional openness, often under specific conditions.
ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy): An umbrella term for consensual relationship structures that allow for multiple romantic or sexual connections.
Polyamorous: A relational orientation centered on the capacity to love and maintain multiple intimate relationships, often with emotional depth and transparency.
Unicorn Hunting: When a couple seeks a third partner, often a bisexual woman, for a shared relationship that prioritizes the couple’s needs while disregarding the autonomy of the third.
Primary/Secondary Language: Terms used to define hierarchy in relationships, where one partner is prioritized (primary) and others are designated as secondary or less central.
What You’ll Walk Away With
By the end of this series, you’ll have more than just a set of definitions. You’ll have tools to better navigate, name, and negotiate what you truly want, whether that’s monogamy, monogamish connection, or something entirely different.
You’ll learn to advocate for yourself with clarity, to build connection without control, to honor the structure that fits, not the one you were handed by culture, fear, or pressure.
Because no matter your relationship style, everyone deserves relationships rooted in truth, not tradition.
Capt. Chaos
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